I Must Be Captain Ahab

Because I think Jonah Goldberg is my white whale (with apologies to Herman Melville – and, heck, for that matter, Moby).

I mean, let’s face it: Jonah IS awfully white. And he DOES sort of look whale-like:

But, see, this is what happens when I take too long to clean out my RSS feeds. I find myself woefully behind the mocking-times. On May 27th, Goldberg (affectionately known as DoughBob Loadpants in certain progressive circles) posted this piece of brain-lard at National Revue and Sideshow Online:

I’ve been wanting to write about the rhetorical overkill deployed by this administration when it comes to touting the president’s decision to kill bin Laden. I mean, is this really something only Barack Obama had the singular courage to do? Really? A Republican president wouldn’t have killed bin Laden under similar circumstances? But I was also reluctant because, yes, the president deserves praise for doing it and there are so few things I find praiseworthy in his agenda, better to focus on the things that revolve around fundamental disagreements. But this is just beyond the pale.

Joe Biden calls Obama’s action against Bin Laden, “the boldest decision … any president has undertaken on a single event in modern history.”

Seriously? Of course, “modern history” is a relative term, so presumably he’s excluding the Emancipation Proclamation or Truman’s decision to bomb Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But how about Gerald Ford’s pardon of Nixon? Or Bush’s surge?

And of course, boldness doesn’t necessary depend on success. Carter’s botched mission to rescue the hostages was certainly bolder. So was Kennedy’s Bay of Pigs. Indeed, given what a loose cannon Joe Biden is, Obama’s decision to pick him as a running mate might even be bolder.

Yeah. I know.

If you already saw that one when it was a fresh, steaming pile of…punditry, feel free to skip the rest of this post. Otherwise, on the off chance that my comment containing the following reply somehow inexplicably DOESN’T get approved by the gatekeepers of good taste over at NRO, here was my reply:

Oh, MAN, Dough-Bob! I’m only now getting around to clearing out some older unread RSS feed items, and that’s why I’m so late to this party (well, that and the fact that you aren’t exactly “must read” material to begin with). But the sheer tardliciousness of this post was so irresistable that it would have been nigh on impossible for me to NOT comment, even at this late date.

So: “rhetorical overkill?” Dude!! Obama nabbed Public Enemy Number One, in an unauthorized cross-border raid. I’m no fan of undeserved hyperbole, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to quote the vice-President and say: that’s a pretty big deal, despite your bleat that ThaSurge was right up there with the Emancipation Proclamation or the allied victory in WWII. Oh, and – for the record – did your mom put you up to tossing the Nixon bit in there with American history’s all-time great events? Just asking.

Cripes, I can’t even go on – though you definitely deserve more. Just one last question: did you really intend to say “boldness doesn’t necessarily depend on success,” or should it have been the reverse? Not that it makes a lot of difference in the long run, I guess. It’s just…it’s as if the entire conservative movement had simultaneously consumed Sarah Palin’s three-bean word salad, and is now farting out idiocies in which word-order is rendered not merely irrelelvant, but downright quaint (h/t: John Yoo).

I can’t imagine why the truth-seekers over at NRO wouldn’t print such a thing, but then, I’ve never understood the inner workings of the conservative nerve-net…er, I mean “mind” much anyway. That’s why I posted it here. :o)